Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh...
2 Corinthians 12:7
See I came down with mono when I was 20. I was told by my Dr. that I needed crazy amounts of rest. Rest. Ridiculous timing, Dr. I was working 3 jobs to save up money for the following year that Shane and I would be married and living in Canada, me with my visitors visa unable bring in income and Shane going to school full time. On top of the three jobs, I was planning a wedding, my wedding, that was to take place in less than three months. Rest was not going to happen when I needed it. But for a year following our marriage I rested- a lot!
Fast forward 4 years. I became anemic, experienced shockingly horrific stomach pains, along with many other symptoms to discover after months and months of doctors that I had Crohn's Colitis disease. I was put on meds immediately which seemed to help for the most part for a while but then, after a couple years, my health began taking a downward turn. It was everything I could do to function through the necessary duties of a Mom caring for the needs of my kids. After many many months of uping my meds, suffering many health problems from joint pain, fatigue, losing mass amounts of blood in my stool, and experiencing neurological effects as well as losing 20 pounds that I didn't need to lose, (even though I was eating like a horse) I got desperate. I cried out to God for healing from this disease. I didn't want to attempt to manage it anymore. I wanted to be cured of it.
I gave my cousin a call who had gone to a nutritionist in Houston whom had done wonders for her health as she suffered from a muscle disease. He turned my health around in ways that modern medicine hadn't been able to. I remember being 10 days into my new diet and supplements he had me on and calling up my husband and saying, "I'm back. I finally feel like me....like I'm back." I did great sticking to my diet for the first year. But as time went on I cheated more and more on eating junk food and I'd go for stints where I didn't take my supplements. So for the last two years I've had a low immune system which has left me vulnerable to a roller coaster ride of viruses and bacterial infections. I've been sick a couple dozen times at least.
Presently I'm fighting a fever that comes on in the afternoons every day for the past four weeks coupled with body chills and aches. My appetite is down and every time I do eat (even the healthy foods I'm supposed to) it feels as though my gut has been poisoned with toxins. Some days I can hardly walk. I haven't had a period in two months. They're running tests on my trying to determine what is wrong with me. So far with no luck yet. Tomorrow I'm going into to blood work for my nutritionist and next week I plan to have a colonoscopy.
So I find it humorous when people comment on how I go 90-to-nothing or they don't see how I do it all because I've suffered from anemia for the past 14 years which makes me so stinkin' tired. But that will never stop me from doing God's work. It's why we're here. It's the only thing worth living for. My family is my number one ministry, so I homeschool. Women in my sphere, so I meet with one on one's with ladies a couple times a month. Lost souls in my circle of accountability so I stay intentional with them. Impressing on the next generation, so I sing and teach preschoolers on Sundays at church. And when God allows opportunities, I lead women in studies to deepen their understanding and their relationship with their God and Savior. I can't tell you how many times I think 'how much more I could do for His kingdom if I weren't always struggling with my energy and health.' And every time I think that, 2 Corinthians 4:7 pops in my head: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to who that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. You see, I am nothing, I am nothing without Him! I do find my poor health and plaguing anemia to be a hindrance to a more effective ministry but I am learning a lesson that far dominates that: divine power is best displayed against the backdrop of human weaknesses so that God is praised. Rather than removing the problem God is giving me the grace and strength to live through it, and He declared that grace to be "sufficient". This song seemed so fitting for this blog entry
