A Wearied Soul

My wayward soul is stretched out thin

 across the marred and desolate plain.  

Desperate hands searching for a foreign yet familiar block

 to grasp and clench hold of- this stumbling block.

My eyes will scan the horizon of hope

 until my weary empty gaze falls on Him.  

And there, in that still and solitude moment, 

I will be filled again.  I will be filled again.

alana norcross

Letting A Dream Die So I Can Live

For over 20 years now I have had a dream.  What it is is not what is important.  What God is teaching me through dreaming it is.  The dream is slowly dying and I feel as though a huge chunk of my heart is dying with it.  I want desperately to just pull the plug and end this agonizing but something in me cannot seem to do that.  I want the dream to die so that that part of me can begin to live.  I've been hoping for a miracle and that hasn't happened and I feel as though that's just not what God had in store for me.  I feel selfish anytime I think of wanting this dream over Shane going into church ministry or the ability to give more money to our church if we make our dream happen.  Who am I to desire something so temporary in this world and and something that is so fleeting when there are eternal things we could be investing in?  I am not quite sure of the lessons God is teaching me through all this or the person He's trying to "shape" me into.  All I know is it hurts.  It aches in my bones- our inability to know what to do: to hold onto this dream or put it down.  I do not feel as though I can continue holding it with an open hand for Him to allow or take as He pleases.  I am weary from it.  So many big life altering decisions.  I just want to say NO to everything so I can just have some peace inside and begin to work toward contentment.  I am so tired of hoping and dreaming big only to have it seem so close for a moment then get snatched away.  Oh, how I long for the dream. How I long to be able to let all of it go so the longing doesn't consume and engulf me.  I know I say, "I want Your will" all the time.  So why can't I let go of these dreams when they're clearly not His will?  This roller coaster ride of "on again off again dream" leaves me useless for His kingdom work and stirs up bitterness and resentment in my heart that I just want to be rid of.  I desperately want it snuffed out of me.  I want to be free.  'God, rescue me from the agony and sadness.'  To say "I quit" on my dreams is more than I can do at this point.  (My flesh is weak.)  There is too much agonizing and deep pain and mourning that comes with it.  'DAD, I need you to comfort me.  Please be near me.  I need You here in the midst of my sadness and grieving.  I feel as though I've lost something that has been such a huge part of me for so so very long and I don't feel as though I can let it go.  Will You help me, Lord?  I know living for You is a sacrifice.  "Pick up your cross and follow Me," You say.  Leave everything and follow You.  'Father, Please help me do this.  I need You.  Every hour I need You.  I need You.'  

"And my God will meet all your needs

according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:19