It's Not Fair!

Acts 6:1-7

Observation:
         In this situation, one group began feeling like their widows were being neglected and overlooked over another group.The disciples acknowledged that this matter needs to be addressed but at the same time sort of, seeing the bigger picture, recognized that this was such a petty thing in comparison to advancing the gospel.

Application:
        Often, I feel this way with my children.  When they are whining or complaining about anything that seems petty to me- through an adult lens.  I instantly want to chastise them and scold them for making a mountain out of a molehill or not recognizing that there is such a bigger picture in the grand scheme of things!  What I fail to recognize, is seeing in their little hearts, that we were designed for a perfect, balanced, just, and fair world.  Just as our souls long for a home that is not here (it's heaven), something in us cries out over the injustice and unfairness of a situation.  Instead of shaming them for a way we are all designed to long for and chastise them for not understanding and recognizing this, I must acknowledge, as the disciples did, and make the most of this opportunity to teach them to understand the cause of the injustice and the sin that wrecked His perfectly balanced design.  I must teach them to approach our now broken world and broken people, and our broken hearts with His grace.  Yes, compared to an older more mature person their problem seems petty when placed in the light of the travesties around the globe but loving them and seeing them as Jesus sees all of us would look like wading into their mess (as petty as it may seem) and helping them come up with a solution in the midst of the injustice of their little world as a means to point them to Jesus.  We as Christian parents, have the unique and incredible responsibility of pointing our children's little tender hearts to Jesus or to turn them away based on how we respond to them.  Now, will they grow up and turn away from God solely because we didn't do this?  Some may wrestle more than others as adults based off of how we conducted ourselves and what we taught them but let's face it, God is bigger than our sin too!  However, we do have the privilege of being used by God to fuel His plan for our children's lives by how we conduct ourselves and what we communicate to them.  Wade into their little world of brokenness, teach them to recognize our need for a savior and the world's need for us to extend grace given to us by Jesus, come up with a solution to address the injustice, and as verse five says in chapter six of Acts, "this proposal pleased the whole group...."

     Father, 
    
    Thank you for your love and grace.  For your patience to continually put up with such petty problems in my life and love me enough to enter into those and help me.  Thank you for my children and provide so many teachable moments for me and also help me to have a deeper understanding of Your love for Your creation.  I need you to help me get these moments right.  That I may come out of a conflict or problem my children are having with one another or with someone else and use it as a means to show them Your compassion by recognizing this hurt and acknowledging that their desire for justice and fairness is right because that's how we were designed but also to keep it in check to not make sure it is a purely selfish motive and also show them Your grace that we get to not only experience because of the brokenness but that we get to be used to extend it to and show it to others and allowing that to point people more to You.  Give me the wisdom and the words to communicate this to my children.  Give me the patience to take the time to do this well and the discernment to know when their little hearts are rightfully broken due to longing for a perfect world or when it is merely their selfish motives that need to be addressed.  Thank you Father for Your Word and Your example through it that teaches us to reflect Your Son to others.

                                                                                                          ~ Amen

The Gospel should have NEVER made it out of the First Century

Acts 5:21-39


Observation:  A Pharisee, Gamaliel, who was honored by all the religious leaders of the Sanhedrin, spoke about two different men who were raising up a revolt that had both died.  After their deaths, both times, their followers dispersed and it all came to nothing.  They were certain this would happen with Jesus having just died not to too long before.
        Gamaliel himself said, "if their [apostles] purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail.  But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourself fighting against God."
        The gospel story, without God's sovereign hand protecting and fueling it, would have never made it out of the first century.  But it did!  It's lasted thousands and thousands of years and spread across the whole world!  A simple son of a carpenter, born in a stable, who only spent three years in the public's eye, and taught the most radical teachings that have ever been taught in the history of the world, is still not only being taught and shared but is changing people's lives and bringing healing in the broken areas, hope in the darkest moments, and joy in the midst of sorrow!  Not because of something He said or taught, but because of what people saw.  A man, coming back to life, after being dead for three days and for forty days following He was seen alive by hundreds of people, and then seeing Him ascend into heaven.

     Father, 
             You are mighty and powerful.  No man or spiritual force can stop You.  You are great and Your plans cannot be shaken.  Your Holy Spirit reveals to those You choose and reveals to us all we need to know.  Great are Your Lord and worthy of our praise!  Jesus, You endured so much, You sacrificed so much.  You are full of love, grace, patience, kindness, and You give hope to the broken world.  It's through You and in You that we are called children of God.  Because Your Holy Spirit reveals to those You choose and You reveal to each of us all we need to know, who am I to ever think anyone else should be as I am.  For you take each of us on a spiritual journey, those that allow themselves to by You, and you reveal different things to different people at different times.  Help me see every person as You see them; uniquely created and designed by You and Your pursuit for them.  Let me help point people to You in doing this rather than reacting or behaving in a way that will detract them from You.  May I never expect anyone to get or agree with what You revealed to me but rather recognize and see all Your revealing to others too.  And let that grow my understanding, compassion, patience, gentleness, kindness, selflessness, and make me more like Your Son who "did not come to be served, but to serve."
                                                                                                                     Amen

Comradery

2 Corinthians 11:22-28
Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they Abraham’s descendants? So am I. 23 Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder,been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28 Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.


          I am so thankful that Paul shares the struggle and severe hardships he endured for the sake of spreading the gospel.  It is evident that God knows we, as humans, need to know others are like us; experiencing what we are- there is comfort in it.  

         Perhaps God wired us this way, because ultimately, He wanted us to know we're not alone.  In a perfect world where we had perfect unity with God we would not to look for comradely with people but rather find that we are not alone because He is with us.  We are not alone in our struggle because HE is with us.  How often we lose sight of that.  How often we look to satisfaction within the world rather than in Him.  We keep ourselves too busy to hear Him, see Him, experience His presence.  We clutter our thoughts with distractions of this world rather than focus on being still with Him and allowing our thoughts to stay fixed on Him.  We forget He is with us when we feel alone because we haven't allowed Him to enter into our every moment of the day.  He becomes unimportant in our business and therefore seems absent in our need for Him.  
         May we be reminded of Immanuel "God with us".  If you need more confirmation of this I encourage you to visit www.biblegateway.com and do a search for God with us and see the 65 different verses that speak to this fact.

Lord, may my eyes stay fixed on You.  May my moments of  loneliness or the times that are filled with a struggle so intense I feel as though I'm to only one enduring it, be filled with the knowledge that You are a God who is with me and You relate exactly to what I am going through.  May I find comradery in You and You alone.  But when my flesh is too weak and my faith fails in those moments, may I see other people in the here and now with whom share in my suffering.  And in seeing the comradery of others, may is draw me closer to You.

A Mama's Prayer

Lord, help me love that I am needed so
to bathe their bodies
from head to toe
or clip a bow up in their hair,
buckle their car seat,
or scootch their chair.

Help me cherish, "mama!"
being called throughout the day
to tie a shoe,
or pour a drink,
or cut up what's on their plate.

Help me to be thankful
that I am needed so
because I know their need for me
will lessen as they grow.

So as I'm needed to pick them up,
or to fix a toy,
change batteries,
or wipe a nose,
lemme do it filled with joy.

for right now it seems a thousand times
I've helped them down those steps,
or wiped their little bottoms clean,
and cleaned up mess, upon mess, upon mess.

And I can get quite exhausted
to where I lose sight of Your call
and where hearing cries of, "mama!?"
is no delight at all.

Help me never to lose sight
of just how quickly this time will fly
Let me savor being needed
and etch this in my mind.

Let my attitude
bring praise to You
every minute of every day
and be a joy and delight
for *them* as well
along the way.

Lord, help me love that I am needed so
and not grumble or complain
because all too soon I'll be missing them
and long to hear, "mama!?" again.

                     - Alana Norcross

Fire Breathing Dragon Mommy

~  Do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself?  Like, if you had to pick out the worst you you could possibly think of, as a mom, a wife, a woman, and then you realize you're becoming it or have become it?  Daily, I become a fire-breathing, eyes glowing, rage roaring u-g-l-y mama.  It isn't pretty, it scares my kids, puts everyone on edge.  And then?  I hate myself.  It's like I have this picture in my head of how I want to be.  Calm, patient, peaceful.  Seeing my children the way God sees them - even in the midst of their messiness.  A mom who responds with a smile of understanding that their little hands and minds are only learning how to do and be, they haven't arrived and I shouldn't expect them to.  That they don't stress and hurry because they're not on the clock and running by a schedule.  And why should they?  They're children.  But somewhere between the door being left WIDE open, the mud being traipsed in the house, and the toilet being clogged I lose sight of that.  Lately, I've been tired.  Dog tired.  - I don't even know where that expression came from but I. am. it!  Which only seems to awake the monstrous beast to an even greater degree.  And if the beast is disrupted from it's slumber...look out!  
So I go to God.  I cry out to God to give me everything I need to be the ambassador for Christ that my kids so desperately need to see in me.  See He has promised to give me everything I need for life and godliness.  But He also invites me to be still, to meditate on Him day and night, to abide in Him, stay connected constantly to Him and be enriched and nourished by Him as a branch does to a vine so that    HE MAY DO SO and I have not been doing this.  Being still... be still... and spending time reading and memorizing His Word and praying to Him, talking to Him, is where He will fill me and equip me and show me the example that is in the life of Jesus so that I don't lose sight of what patience is, how grace pours out, and love spills over.  The truth is I am not perfect, I will have horrible mommy moments but my children will learn the beauty of humility in that.  And what admitting my wrong, humble repentance, and seeking someones forgiveness looks like.  They are learning that no one is perfect, not even Mommy, and that we ALL need Jesus!  They see I'm learning and fighting and struggling through this messiness of trusting in thy self and transferring all my trust to God.  Daily.  Moment by moment.  I need Jesus.  His UN-conditional LOVE.  Oh, how I need Jesus.  He is all I need.

Update since "Empty"- A heart of Peace and Praise

I am so thankful for the blog entry I wrote a little over a year ago, titled, "And I Come Alive;"  it was about the property God blessed us with.  For on the eve of us having to sell what we'd hoped would be the land we would build our home on and being an emotional wreck over it, reading that blog gave me comfort and helped me have a godly eternal perspective that I was struggling blindly to grasp and that I might not have ever attained it had I not read what He had me sovereignly write a year and a month ago.  And excerpt of that blog:

"As we pulled up [to the property], unloaded [our tools out of] the van, and began walking down the worn out tire track make-shift driveway I could not stop smiling on my face from the joy that swelled up from the depths of my soul.  I put my arm around my Mom and I said to her, "Mom, I come alive here!"  I come alive here.  That is the best way I can describe it.  Everything I feel I was designed to be comes to LIFE on this property!  A wife who works alongside her husband outside on our future, a mother of several little ones who thrive in playing and also working alongside their parents in the canopy of the large old oaks as we're all touched by the cool breeze and serenaded by the birds of song.    Surrounded by the glory of His in the beauty of His creation.  And I come alive....  We have plans for our future; but they are just that, our plans.  They may never come to be as we desire the Lord's will above our own.  (Jeremiah 29:11 "For Iknow the plans I have for you...declares the Lord....")  After all, our lives are His first always.  We want to be in His will because that will be better than anything we decide and make for ourselves.  So we're planning to begin building in 10 months, but we're planning with an open hand metaphorically.  We're not clenching this dream in our hearts with a "closed fist" but rather placing that plan in an open hand knowing that at, any moment, God may desire to take that plan away for something else He has planned.  This causes tension within me to think about in the present- that our plan might not happen, but I know that if/when He calls us to whatever He has planned, He will prepare our hearts for it at the right time."

So, although we no longer have that land due to events out of our control and completely within HIS, I am grateful for the time we did have working it together as a family.  I am grateful for the retreat that visiting and working on it was.  I am grateful for the overwhelming joy it brought me.  I am grateful for the memories of exploring down the San Gabriel river that we did because the neighborhood had private access to it.  I am grateful to my God for that year of memories with my family; for the Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”

Job 1:21b

Empty

Here I sit, 4:30 in the morning, staring at this blank screen, not even knowing what exactly to type.  I feel obligated to blog about happy things, so that those reading this (myself included) will be inspired, encouraged, and motivated.  But the truth is, I'm empty.  I have nothing to offer anyone; suppose we never do really.  But right now, in the quiet lonely hour of the night, I don't even want God.  I'm angry at God.  I'm angry.  I'm crushed; I ache to my bones.  I'm tired and empty.  I need peace. I need joy.  I have neither.  I'm giving up my dream of land.  My white flag is raised.  I quit.  I'm numb.  I don't care anymore.  Caring hurts too much.  Caring is too painful.  Caring leaves me sad and I'm tired of being sad.  I know my perspective is wrong and irrational.  Governed by these crazy things called hormones after just having had a baby and PPD is completely jacking with me right now.  I know I'm being selfish and a pessimist.  I know majority of people in our society want to be happy, to only hear about good things, and only focus on "positive things" and things that keep them upbeat and happy and I just don't care.  I'm not happy.  I've been holding onto a dream for 24 years.  One that is so rooted in the depths of my heart that giving it up has left me empty.  I've asked God to help me give it up joyfully.  I've asked Him to help me to want His will.  I've asked Him to move my heart to a place of contentment with whatever He calls me to.  But right now, in this moment, I'm not there.  Right now, I don't want anything to do with God.  I'm bitter and angry and feeling so desperately lost.  And I don't know how to get through this muck.  I don't know how to come through it a better person.  Right now, all I want is what I've dreamed for for over two decades now.  But I'm not to have that.  That much is very clear.  And I am left empty.