Am I Really Doing This?

Seriously? Not sure if this whole blogging thing is going to stick but I thought I'd give another go, this time, with a much broader focus- the cry of my heart. That can be anything and everything; right? As opposed to my first blogging attempt that was focused solely on the adoption of our beautiful daughter, Kayli Hope. So here I am with all my rawness and vulnerability laid bare in hopes that my hurts, habits, hang ups, rejoicing, praising, and learning, desires, and hopes might somehow be used by God in somebody else's life somewhere.

My husband and I are wrestling with some pretty life changing long term effecting decisions and we've been petitioning our Lord for years about all these topics. They seem to all be coming to a head at once and seeing the stress it's having on my husband, as he tries to determine just what exactly is God's will for our lives, weighs down on him.

Tonight during my time I spent with God, I read Acts 16:6-10. In this passage Paul had a vision in his sleep. He acted, obediently and immediately, to what the vision had communicated to him. In fact, the Bible tells us in verse 10, "After Paul had seen the vision, we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them."

This became the cry of my heart:
     'God, call my husband to where you would have him either in the secular world or in full time ministry. May his eyes be open to see the path and direction you would have him on. May his spirit be in tune with knowing the call is of You. May he have a heart that belongs fully to Your desire and an understanding of Your will for his next steps. May he walk by faith and not by sight.
      I pray this also in regards to having another child. Please lead me through my husband and the choices he decides on based off of convictions given to him by You. Let me be a wife that follows his leadership, regardless if my desires are met or not, and let me do it in such a way that communicates to Shane that he has a wife who respects, admires, and trusts him with my life because of my faith in the knowledge that You promise to lead me and my family through my husband.
     Help us also to know the calling for which You have chosen as our children's educational direction looking beyond this year. Give us the tools, peace, and protection we need to carry out that conviction, whatever it may be, and let it be according to Your will and not our desires or decision. May we know without doubt, what You have called us to. Amen.'