A Woman's Pursuit

I have been leading a small group of women through a Biblical Womahood study once again.  We are four sessions into it and and are really getting a lot out of the lectures and the discussion.  This past week we listened to "Advocates Who Undermine"  which is absolutely incredible!!  If you can carve an hour out of your time, click on it to listen to it; it is WELL WORTH IT!!!  Can't tell you how insightful and interesting it is!!!
Here is something I wanted to share with you all, even if you do not have time to listen to it.  Let me just preface it in saying that Satan is the master deceiver.  He is crafty at it too; meaning he can twist the truth and deceive you without you even realizing it.  He does this in our personal lives/thinking/ feelings.  And he does it in our culture and nations as well.  A large area that I see him weaving his web of deception is in the area of career driven women and it saddens me.  I see more and more young women spend the most energetic years of their lives pouring themselves into schooling, and more schooling, jobs, and then jobs that turn into careers.  Finally, when they feel as though they are far enough along and settled enough, they want to start a family.  Sometimes (and becoming more often than not) it's a little too late for them biologically.  Sometimes they do but they're so tired that kids become more of a burden and headache than a joy and delight!  I see women put more time into achieving and getting ahead in their careers than I do seeing women strive to achieve and learn how to be a better godly moms.  Satan has deceived our culture into this backwards thinking that woman are not valuable and will never be satisfied unless they're contributing in the workforce.  With that being said, I will continue with the email correspondence I had with one of the women in the study:

Participant in Study (who was absent that night but listened to it online herself wrote me this email):  "I enjoyed the historical aspect of this study for sure!  I kind of sense an underlying theme regarding working moms, interested to explore further!" 

My Response: "That's interesting...I haven't gotten that at all. the women and I in our discussion afterwards were even talking about how we liked the fact that Lisa said, "There is nothing wrong with women having a career. There is nothing wrong with women working outside the home. The question is, 'is that the premiere pursuit of her life? Is that they place that she was designed to make the most significant difference in this life?' I would argue that the career is not the premier pursuit of a man's life! Is that what God designed the premier pursuit of a man to be either?"   Now, I do know that God communicates and presses on different women's hearts different things through this study. Sometimes, through the study, some women feel strongly convicted and have a peace and a 'calling', if you will, to get their family's finances in order and begin living on a tighter budget, so that they can begin to be a stay-at-home wife and mom. A super smart woman in our last Community Group, whom she and her husband now lead a CG of their own as well as Financial Peace University groups too, became a stay at home Mom after having a career for 20 years and absolutely LOVES it!  A big desire to do this was fueled through the BW study.  I also know other women who have taken the study but are still continuing to work and stay in their careers and are okay with that.  I agree with Lisa in that I don't think either is right or wrong for all women! Whatever you are feeling like God is leading you to is where you need to be in (as long as it is in unity with your husband too). However, God does say that our family is to be our first area of ministry! So if women do have a job/career outside the home, they do have a responsibility to not let it take priority over their husband first, and then their children. It's recognizing that there is so much more we can contribute in this world: the pouring of God's teaching into our children, the next generation.  As Deuteronomy 6:1-7 says, "These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children, and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all His decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord your God of your ancestors, promised you. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

God created us to be God-worshipers and followers. He instilled in us the ability to reproduce His crowning achievement, people, in His image, and He commissioned us to raise up more God worshipers! That is our premiere, and even EVERLASTING pursuit that will transcend this life and impact the life to come!! Shouldn't we not want to make that our priority?! job or no job?

love you, friend! so thankful you are in our group and challenging me with interest and questions! I love your perspective and insight and am so thankful for your contribution and what you bring to the table!"

Seasons of Puke and the Supermom Myth

The last twelve days in our home have been filled with 4 of my five children and my husband sick with a virus that they passed around.  My five year old son had it the worst throwing up 12 times in a 48 hour period; of those 12 times not one surge of queaziness made it in the toilet leaving a perpetual and nasty mess to continually clean up.  Even after symptoms of the virus had left our home, it left everyone feeling sluggish and drained of energy; myself included.  Good times.

Anyhow, whilst all of this was taking place everything in the home got further and further behind.  I tried to stay on top of it all but there was just SO MUCH.  Laundry (washing, drying, folding, ironing, and putting clothes away) for seven piles up fast; especially when you add towels and sheets to the loads too.  Combined with the cumulating daily dishes, preparing meals, house chores, caring for the pets, oh! and lest we not forget the hubby going out of town for work on the tail end of all this awesomeness when my exhaustion is at its height.  The mounds of stuff and the to-do lists piled higher and faster than my determination to conquer them could keep up.  I began to feel defeated among it all.  .....We survived.  And on the last night of the last sick kiddo to have symptoms, my 9 year old son came up to me and hugged me as I was getting them all ready for bed.  And as he did he said, "What would we do without you?  Thank you for all you do for us, Mom."

This struck me.  I have heard many women refer to me as "an amazing woman," and "Supermom."  I have had people tell me, "My!  You must have your hands full," or "How do you do it all?"  and, "I admire you but you are crazy! How do you keep up with laundry, food, home schooling, boundaries, sanity, camping, kids, husband, and the list continues.....??"  But I will tell you, in the moment my son said those breathtakingly sweet words that any mom would swoon upon hearing, I was struck by a revelation of what I have always been aware of intellectually but had never had it impact me in such a tangible way as in had during our season of puke; and that is: what would I do without my family?!  My amazingly wonderful hard working children!  They do SO MUCH of the brunt work around here.  THEY keep this house running!  They do the wash and drying of the laundry, they do the dishes, and the cleaning of the home, they mow the yard, they take out the trash, they help with meals, and they virtually school themselves.  They are a huge help me!  And then there is my husband, I am amazed everyday how he can leave the stresses and worries of work or ministry at our door step and the moment he enters through our front door he lovingly serves.  He helps with dinner, dishes, bathing the kids, leading the Bible reading and books with the kids and even most days spends some "couch time" with me to catch up on each other. Truth is, I don't do a lot.  I couldn't.  This "Supermom" personae that I have been labeled with by some have not been here to see the inner workings of my home to know how vastly incorrect that title is.  The saying, 'behind every great man is a great woman' could not be further from the truth.  For behind every great woman is her family and leading that family is the Lord God doing His work in their lives!  We are a team, we are a unit, we all work together because we are all a family!  And we all do our part, each individual being responsible for themselves as well as "being their brothers keeper," "loving other more than themselves" because we desire to bring glory to our heavenly Father. So when my son spoke those sweet tender words of thankfulness to me, I ended the evening thanking my boys for ALL that THEY do!  I told them how I could not run this house without their help.  I explained that I could if all of them went to school everyday but because we homeschool and they are home 24/7 it just wouldn't happen without their help!  My children laid their heads on their pillows that evening and we all thanked God, together, for giving us each other- our family!

Day of Defeat Ended in Thankfulness! What?!?!

   What a day filled with defeat!  So many things went wrong today starting with my alarm going off and rather than joyfully getting out of bed to start the day right I reset the alarm for later and got more sleep.  As a result, no morning work out or critical time in the Word.  Already a bad start.  I raced to get myself and two of my boys ready to go to the Dr's and my three year old daughter ready for school.  Went to make myself my dietary smoothie for breakfast and remembered I was out of frozen fruit.  My daughter was on the bus at 7:22 and we were on our way to the Dr.'s at 7:25 with the other two staying home with a Dad/Nana tag team.  I was the first to arrive as a walk-in patient but the door said the opening hours began at 8 and it was 7:45 so we stood outside and waited.  at 7:55 another mom arrived and walked up to where we were at the door.  She asked if it was open to which I told her I didn't know, I was just waiting until 8 like the sign said.  She checked the door and went in to which I held the door and asked the receptionist if we could come in.  We were allowed and the lady who had gone in ahead of me went up the desk and signed her name FIRST on the sign in sheet!  I couldn't believe it!  She knew I had been standing out there first and still signed her name in on the top line.  So she and her daughter were called in first while I stayed in my chair in the waiting room and fumed!  Circumstances like this or worse continued on the rest of the day for me.  It is now 8:00 at night, feels like midnight though, I am exhausted and feeling absolutely defeated by the day.
    Defeated in my own flesh.  Incapable of self-discipline to get up and get in the Word and workout, frustrated I didn't make time yesterday to go to the grocery store to buy the fruit I knew I would need for my smoothies, frustrated I had way too many carbs for my breakfast as a result, angered by a woman who felt entitled to see the Dr. first, lacked patience, quick to anger, and no self-control with my son Jonah, forgetful of my five year old child who wound up sitting in timeout for a minor offense for over an hour, overwhelmed by homeschool curriculum choices and the window of time I once viewed as vast I now see is quickly closing with each, crazy-fast, passing year; and the list goes on.  My flesh is weak.  Far beyond cure.  I am self centered and selfish just like every other human being on the planet.  Sin exists, therefore sin exists in me.  How freeing it is to know that I am not held accountable for my sin.  In those moments when I recognize my flesh welling up squelching the Holy Spirit and strangling His ability to do His work in me, I become overwhelming grateful.  For at first a momentary feeling of defeat rushes in but then the gentleness of the Father reminds me that His love, forgiveness, and patience is unconditional because His Son Jesus the Christ has covered up ALL my transgressions, all of my sin, all of my flesh by paying my price of my deserved death!  Suddenly each moment I recount throughout the day doesn't seem like defeat to me but rather VICTORY!  Did I fail a lot?  Absolutely!  Yet in that, I have experienced God's forgiveness, His unending forgiveness!  I have felt God's love, His overwhelming love for me!  And I have realized His patience, His abounding patience with me!  I am weak, I am a sinner, He is strong, He is holy and capable of all things.  "So I am grateful, that I'm incapable of doing any good on my own!"  I'm thankful that I need Him!  I'm thankful that I am nothing without Him!  He created me, He saved me, He redeemed me, He made me holy in Him, He teaches me and He reminds me of all of this, and I am thankful.

 Although, I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight God's law; but i see another law at work in me, waging a war against the law of my mind and making me a  prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.  What a wretched man am I!  Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! 

Romans 7:21-25

And I Come Alive

We were miraculously blessed with a plot of land two months ago now.  We've been spending our free weekends clearing out the cedar, cactus, and thorns, renting a chipper to mulch it all up, and soon we'll rent a cat to spread the mulch out and uproot the cedar trunks.  It's a gorgeous 2 acre lot full of beautiful oak trees on a cul-de-sac street in a gated community.  It's a short walk from the neighborhood's private access to the San Gabriel River and has views from the front and back of the lot of the Texas hill country.  I am overwhelmed at what an incredibly amazing gift this is!  I never thought this moment would ever happen.  Living on land has been a dream of mine since I was twelve years old and still can scarcely believe it!  

On our second venture out to work on the land one weekend, my brother, Eric and my Mom had also come with us to help us cut down and haul cedar trees into a massive pile.  As we pulled up, unloaded the van, and began walking down the worn out tire track make-shift driveway I could not stop smiling on my face from the joy that swelled up from the depths of my soul.  I put my arm around my Mom and I said to her, "Mom, I come alive here!"  I come alive here.  That is the best way I can describe it.  Everything I feel I was designed to be comes to LIFE on this property!  A wife who works alongside her husband outside on our future, a mother of several little ones who thrive in playing and also working alongside their parents in the canopy of the large old oaks as we're all touched by the cool breeze and serenaded by the birds of song.    Surrounded by the glory of His in the beauty of His creation.  And I come alive.  

 In order to honor the size and age of this tree, we named it "Treebeard" after the tree in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

 Caleb and Matt working and Jonah playing in "Spider"

 Treebeard's canopy's shade.

Mulching up cedar.

On our most recent visit there.  The kids were in the van and Kayli had not said anything the whole drive there.  We pulled into the neighborhood and went through the gate and as we were driving down the neighborhood's roads to our street, out of know where Kayli says, "Happy."  I asked her, "Are you happy , Kayli?"  "Yes," she replied.  "Do you like going to the property, Kayli?" I asked her.  "Yes," she answered again.  This was the first time ever she's expressed an emotion she was feeling!  I am thrilled that it had to do with our land and the time we've been spending together there as a family!  It's been wonderful!

We have plans for our future; but they are just that, our plans.  They may never come to be as we desire the Lord's will above our own.  (Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you...declares the Lord....")  After all, our lives are His first always.  We want to be in His will because that will be better than anything we decide and make for ourselves.  So we're planning to begin building in 10 months, but we're planning with an open hand metaphorically.  We're not clenching this dream in our hearts with a "closed fist" but rather placing that plan in an open hand knowing that at, any moment, God may desire to take that plan away for something else He has planned.  This causes tension within me to think about in the present- that our plan might not happen, but I know that if/when He calls us to whatever He has planned, He will prepare our hearts for it at the right time.  But for now we have dreams of a tire swing, a tree house or two, a zip line, a chicken coop, a bench swing, and many, many, many, family memories to come!  And my I come alive!

Norcross Family on our property April 2013

Lord, thank you for this incredible blessing you've allowed to happen.  I'm not sure what the future holds; but I know You know.  And I know Your plans are far better than what I could dream of.  May we live according to Your will and Your plans for us.  May our hearts not become hardened to whatever task you call us to.  If it is Your will, may we be able to build in a year.  May our children have thousands of memories and a great life's foundation from living on this land.  May we have a home on this lot that will be a haven and get-away for all who visit it.  May people draw closer to You just from visiting this home and land.  And may it always be for Your glory!  But if for some reason You don't want us to build here, may we enjoy the time that we do have as we're working on it, and may You prepare our hearts to let it go when the time comes.  Thank you, Dad.  Amen."

A Wearied Soul

My wayward soul is stretched out thin

 across the marred and desolate plain.  

Desperate hands searching for a foreign yet familiar block

 to grasp and clench hold of- this stumbling block.

My eyes will scan the horizon of hope

 until my weary empty gaze falls on Him.  

And there, in that still and solitude moment, 

I will be filled again.  I will be filled again.

alana norcross

Letting A Dream Die So I Can Live

For over 20 years now I have had a dream.  What it is is not what is important.  What God is teaching me through dreaming it is.  The dream is slowly dying and I feel as though a huge chunk of my heart is dying with it.  I want desperately to just pull the plug and end this agonizing but something in me cannot seem to do that.  I want the dream to die so that that part of me can begin to live.  I've been hoping for a miracle and that hasn't happened and I feel as though that's just not what God had in store for me.  I feel selfish anytime I think of wanting this dream over Shane going into church ministry or the ability to give more money to our church if we make our dream happen.  Who am I to desire something so temporary in this world and and something that is so fleeting when there are eternal things we could be investing in?  I am not quite sure of the lessons God is teaching me through all this or the person He's trying to "shape" me into.  All I know is it hurts.  It aches in my bones- our inability to know what to do: to hold onto this dream or put it down.  I do not feel as though I can continue holding it with an open hand for Him to allow or take as He pleases.  I am weary from it.  So many big life altering decisions.  I just want to say NO to everything so I can just have some peace inside and begin to work toward contentment.  I am so tired of hoping and dreaming big only to have it seem so close for a moment then get snatched away.  Oh, how I long for the dream. How I long to be able to let all of it go so the longing doesn't consume and engulf me.  I know I say, "I want Your will" all the time.  So why can't I let go of these dreams when they're clearly not His will?  This roller coaster ride of "on again off again dream" leaves me useless for His kingdom work and stirs up bitterness and resentment in my heart that I just want to be rid of.  I desperately want it snuffed out of me.  I want to be free.  'God, rescue me from the agony and sadness.'  To say "I quit" on my dreams is more than I can do at this point.  (My flesh is weak.)  There is too much agonizing and deep pain and mourning that comes with it.  'DAD, I need you to comfort me.  Please be near me.  I need You here in the midst of my sadness and grieving.  I feel as though I've lost something that has been such a huge part of me for so so very long and I don't feel as though I can let it go.  Will You help me, Lord?  I know living for You is a sacrifice.  "Pick up your cross and follow Me," You say.  Leave everything and follow You.  'Father, Please help me do this.  I need You.  Every hour I need You.  I need You.'  

"And my God will meet all your needs

according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:19