About Me
- alana
- I'm a home grown Texas girl. Married 18 years now to the most incredible and godly leader of a man that I have EVER met! And it just keeps getting better! -That's all Christ's doing! We have been blessed with five boys: Jonah (15), Caleb (14), Matthew (12), Nathan (10), and Lander (3). We also have a daughter we adopted from China, Kayli (8). I LOVE being a Mom and am happiest when my whole family is at home working together on a project! I have also been a home educator going on 13 years now to all my children. I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember and am so thankful my Lord woos me to Him everyday even still and that He is patient for me to come to the knowledge of His love, grace, and compassion and am humbled that He calls me to be His light to others.
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Solomon's Struggle is my Struggle
I'm in an extreme King Solomon's meaningless life moment. What is the freakin point of it all?!! Seriously, struggling with the will to live. Not that actually reads this but on the off chance that someone does, no need to start panicking and call a hotline on my behalf, I won't ever do anything to act on that. I'm too afraid to be seen as that incredibly selfish and the disappointing look on God's face if I did do that and met Him after having done so. But for real, there is NO POINT to any of it! It's tiring, unending, monotonous, empty, unfulfilling, lonely, hard, and exhausting. If everything under the sun is meaningless then what is the point of all of this? If we are supposed to find all our satisfaction in God then why are we here? Why do we keep on living? Why don't we just do that in His presence in heaven where there won't be Satan to jack with our thoughts and emotions and relationships? I don't know how to find complete joy in my Lord... complete satisfaction in Him on this earth. And He even says to us we never will. We will always be incomplete the final day so what is the FREAKING point?!!! None of it makes sense! None of it! I'm so exhausted with life! I'm exhausted with this calling I'm exhausted with the spiritual attacks as a result of being obedient to this calling, I'm exhausted with sacrificially loving on people non stop and getting no feelings or evidence of love in return. I can't do it anymore and I don't know how to stop without disappointing my husband, confusing my kids, and hurting the church. Then there's a WHOLE bunch of pressure in that as well. It's just too much. I feel crushed and pinned; unable to do anything about it. I keep waiting for my It's a Wonderful Life moment where after all these years I've spent serving, helping, giving up of myself to help others then, when I need help most, they'll all come to help me out in my desperate time of need. But I'm not seeing that. Despite reaching out and asking over 40 people to help us on three different occasions; only two people showed up. Two. I'm thankful for those two; don't get me wrong. Those two kept me from completely deflating and walking out on church. Everyone is too busy to love others. and it's sad. it makes life meaningless.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Why We Don't See Miracles
Acts 7:54-60
54 When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. 55 But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56 “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
57 At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, 58 dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
59 While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.
Wow! I could write like four separate studies just on these six verses alone! I've chosen to focus on one of the four that popped out at me.
This is such an incredible moment in the movement of the church!
v. 55 "But Stephen, being full of the Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God."
It is when we are being persecuted at its hardest that we see God in His fullness. All throughout scripture when people's lives are being threatened for the sake of God, He is present in that situation; either performing a miracle to save them as we see twice in the life of Daniel written in the Old Testament as well as many others throughout the Bible or being present as a source of comfort as we see here with Stephen. Stephen, in his last moments of earthly life, was in the presence of the Trinity of God. This helped him focus not on the pain of being stoned, not on the fear of being killed, not on the struggle to fight for his innocence as he was falsely accused, but on the only thing that really matters; his gaze was on the Father, the Son, and he was filled with the Holy Spirit. -The everlasting and all that really matters.
Oh! That I would have the humble privilege to be persecuted at such a degree that I might see the glory of God in such a way as I'm ushered into His presence in heaven. Yes, I know it sounds absolutely senseless and deranged. But how quick we are to chose an earthly life of comfort over path that leads to woes or martyrdom for the glory of God and all the while we grovel and complain asking God why He doesn't ever reveal Himself through miracles like the ones told in the Bible. I would venture to say that I believe He still does. God's work is never broadcasted by the media or the world because, as the Bible says, "this world does not know Me [Jesus]." Why you don't see those in your own personal life?
Many people long for the chance to witness a miracle but not very many are willing to place themselves in such a harsh situation that they need one.
God,
I am available. At whatever cost, I am Yours, for Your glory. Give me the strength in those harsh moments to be filled with this courage to choose You at whatever cost; to see You and be filled with an everlasting peace that surpasses my current circumstances or the threat that weighs upon me. May my life be a living sacrifice for You and may I witness a miracle from You in that moment. Oh, that I might see the glory of your fullness no matter the cost! You are all that matters. My life is Yours. ~ Amen
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
It's Not Fair!
Acts 6:1-7
Observation:
In this situation, one group began feeling like their widows were being neglected and overlooked over another group.The disciples acknowledged that this matter needs to be addressed but at the same time sort of, seeing the bigger picture, recognized that this was such a petty thing in comparison to advancing the gospel.
Application:
Often, I feel this way with my children. When they are whining or complaining about anything that seems petty to me- through an adult lens. I instantly want to chastise them and scold them for making a mountain out of a molehill or not recognizing that there is such a bigger picture in the grand scheme of things! What I fail to recognize, is seeing in their little hearts, that we were designed for a perfect, balanced, just, and fair world. Just as our souls long for a home that is not here (it's heaven), something in us cries out over the injustice and unfairness of a situation. Instead of shaming them for a way we are all designed to long for and chastise them for not understanding and recognizing this, I must acknowledge, as the disciples did, and make the most of this opportunity to teach them to understand the cause of the injustice and the sin that wrecked His perfectly balanced design. I must teach them to approach our now broken world and broken people, and our broken hearts with His grace. Yes, compared to an older more mature person their problem seems petty when placed in the light of the travesties around the globe but loving them and seeing them as Jesus sees all of us would look like wading into their mess (as petty as it may seem) and helping them come up with a solution in the midst of the injustice of their little world as a means to point them to Jesus. We as Christian parents, have the unique and incredible responsibility of pointing our children's little tender hearts to Jesus or to turn them away based on how we respond to them. Now, will they grow up and turn away from God solely because we didn't do this? Some may wrestle more than others as adults based off of how we conducted ourselves and what we taught them but let's face it, God is bigger than our sin too! However, we do have the privilege of being used by God to fuel His plan for our children's lives by how we conduct ourselves and what we communicate to them. Wade into their little world of brokenness, teach them to recognize our need for a savior and the world's need for us to extend grace given to us by Jesus, come up with a solution to address the injustice, and as verse five says in chapter six of Acts, "this proposal pleased the whole group...."
Father,
Thank you for your love and grace. For your patience to continually put up with such petty problems in my life and love me enough to enter into those and help me. Thank you for my children and provide so many teachable moments for me and also help me to have a deeper understanding of Your love for Your creation. I need you to help me get these moments right. That I may come out of a conflict or problem my children are having with one another or with someone else and use it as a means to show them Your compassion by recognizing this hurt and acknowledging that their desire for justice and fairness is right because that's how we were designed but also to keep it in check to not make sure it is a purely selfish motive and also show them Your grace that we get to not only experience because of the brokenness but that we get to be used to extend it to and show it to others and allowing that to point people more to You. Give me the wisdom and the words to communicate this to my children. Give me the patience to take the time to do this well and the discernment to know when their little hearts are rightfully broken due to longing for a perfect world or when it is merely their selfish motives that need to be addressed. Thank you Father for Your Word and Your example through it that teaches us to reflect Your Son to others.
~ Amen
Observation:
In this situation, one group began feeling like their widows were being neglected and overlooked over another group.The disciples acknowledged that this matter needs to be addressed but at the same time sort of, seeing the bigger picture, recognized that this was such a petty thing in comparison to advancing the gospel.
Application:
Often, I feel this way with my children. When they are whining or complaining about anything that seems petty to me- through an adult lens. I instantly want to chastise them and scold them for making a mountain out of a molehill or not recognizing that there is such a bigger picture in the grand scheme of things! What I fail to recognize, is seeing in their little hearts, that we were designed for a perfect, balanced, just, and fair world. Just as our souls long for a home that is not here (it's heaven), something in us cries out over the injustice and unfairness of a situation. Instead of shaming them for a way we are all designed to long for and chastise them for not understanding and recognizing this, I must acknowledge, as the disciples did, and make the most of this opportunity to teach them to understand the cause of the injustice and the sin that wrecked His perfectly balanced design. I must teach them to approach our now broken world and broken people, and our broken hearts with His grace. Yes, compared to an older more mature person their problem seems petty when placed in the light of the travesties around the globe but loving them and seeing them as Jesus sees all of us would look like wading into their mess (as petty as it may seem) and helping them come up with a solution in the midst of the injustice of their little world as a means to point them to Jesus. We as Christian parents, have the unique and incredible responsibility of pointing our children's little tender hearts to Jesus or to turn them away based on how we respond to them. Now, will they grow up and turn away from God solely because we didn't do this? Some may wrestle more than others as adults based off of how we conducted ourselves and what we taught them but let's face it, God is bigger than our sin too! However, we do have the privilege of being used by God to fuel His plan for our children's lives by how we conduct ourselves and what we communicate to them. Wade into their little world of brokenness, teach them to recognize our need for a savior and the world's need for us to extend grace given to us by Jesus, come up with a solution to address the injustice, and as verse five says in chapter six of Acts, "this proposal pleased the whole group...."
Father,
Thank you for your love and grace. For your patience to continually put up with such petty problems in my life and love me enough to enter into those and help me. Thank you for my children and provide so many teachable moments for me and also help me to have a deeper understanding of Your love for Your creation. I need you to help me get these moments right. That I may come out of a conflict or problem my children are having with one another or with someone else and use it as a means to show them Your compassion by recognizing this hurt and acknowledging that their desire for justice and fairness is right because that's how we were designed but also to keep it in check to not make sure it is a purely selfish motive and also show them Your grace that we get to not only experience because of the brokenness but that we get to be used to extend it to and show it to others and allowing that to point people more to You. Give me the wisdom and the words to communicate this to my children. Give me the patience to take the time to do this well and the discernment to know when their little hearts are rightfully broken due to longing for a perfect world or when it is merely their selfish motives that need to be addressed. Thank you Father for Your Word and Your example through it that teaches us to reflect Your Son to others.
~ Amen
Thursday, September 29, 2016
The Gospel should have NEVER made it out of the First Century
Acts 5:21-39
Observation: A Pharisee, Gamaliel, who was honored by all the religious leaders of the Sanhedrin, spoke about two different men who were raising up a revolt that had both died. After their deaths, both times, their followers dispersed and it all came to nothing. They were certain this would happen with Jesus having just died not to too long before.
Gamaliel himself said, "if their [apostles] purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourself fighting against God."
The gospel story, without God's sovereign hand protecting and fueling it, would have never made it out of the first century. But it did! It's lasted thousands and thousands of years and spread across the whole world! A simple son of a carpenter, born in a stable, who only spent three years in the public's eye, and taught the most radical teachings that have ever been taught in the history of the world, is still not only being taught and shared but is changing people's lives and bringing healing in the broken areas, hope in the darkest moments, and joy in the midst of sorrow! Not because of something He said or taught, but because of what people saw. A man, coming back to life, after being dead for three days and for forty days following He was seen alive by hundreds of people, and then seeing Him ascend into heaven.
Father,
You are mighty and powerful. No man or spiritual force can stop You. You are great and Your plans cannot be shaken. Your Holy Spirit reveals to those You choose and reveals to us all we need to know. Great are Your Lord and worthy of our praise! Jesus, You endured so much, You sacrificed so much. You are full of love, grace, patience, kindness, and You give hope to the broken world. It's through You and in You that we are called children of God. Because Your Holy Spirit reveals to those You choose and You reveal to each of us all we need to know, who am I to ever think anyone else should be as I am. For you take each of us on a spiritual journey, those that allow themselves to by You, and you reveal different things to different people at different times. Help me see every person as You see them; uniquely created and designed by You and Your pursuit for them. Let me help point people to You in doing this rather than reacting or behaving in a way that will detract them from You. May I never expect anyone to get or agree with what You revealed to me but rather recognize and see all Your revealing to others too. And let that grow my understanding, compassion, patience, gentleness, kindness, selflessness, and make me more like Your Son who "did not come to be served, but to serve."
Amen
Observation: A Pharisee, Gamaliel, who was honored by all the religious leaders of the Sanhedrin, spoke about two different men who were raising up a revolt that had both died. After their deaths, both times, their followers dispersed and it all came to nothing. They were certain this would happen with Jesus having just died not to too long before.
Gamaliel himself said, "if their [apostles] purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourself fighting against God."
The gospel story, without God's sovereign hand protecting and fueling it, would have never made it out of the first century. But it did! It's lasted thousands and thousands of years and spread across the whole world! A simple son of a carpenter, born in a stable, who only spent three years in the public's eye, and taught the most radical teachings that have ever been taught in the history of the world, is still not only being taught and shared but is changing people's lives and bringing healing in the broken areas, hope in the darkest moments, and joy in the midst of sorrow! Not because of something He said or taught, but because of what people saw. A man, coming back to life, after being dead for three days and for forty days following He was seen alive by hundreds of people, and then seeing Him ascend into heaven.
Father,
You are mighty and powerful. No man or spiritual force can stop You. You are great and Your plans cannot be shaken. Your Holy Spirit reveals to those You choose and reveals to us all we need to know. Great are Your Lord and worthy of our praise! Jesus, You endured so much, You sacrificed so much. You are full of love, grace, patience, kindness, and You give hope to the broken world. It's through You and in You that we are called children of God. Because Your Holy Spirit reveals to those You choose and You reveal to each of us all we need to know, who am I to ever think anyone else should be as I am. For you take each of us on a spiritual journey, those that allow themselves to by You, and you reveal different things to different people at different times. Help me see every person as You see them; uniquely created and designed by You and Your pursuit for them. Let me help point people to You in doing this rather than reacting or behaving in a way that will detract them from You. May I never expect anyone to get or agree with what You revealed to me but rather recognize and see all Your revealing to others too. And let that grow my understanding, compassion, patience, gentleness, kindness, selflessness, and make me more like Your Son who "did not come to be served, but to serve."
Amen
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