I've Never Felt Like I Fit In, Anywhere.

In a study I've been doing, in one of the week's sessions, I was asked a question that should have been short and simple to answer.  And it was, at first.  I answered and moved on.  But by the next day, or the day after that, God began using that question to really encourage me to dig in and remember what He had taught me years ago regarding this aching to belong.  

"Where do you find your sense of love and belonging?"

My initial answer was short and sweet but honest:  'Ouch.  This is hard to face.  I want to say as a child of God but I fear it's more from my husband but also never feeling like I belong anywhere.  Like, I'm so unique I just don't fit in anywhere fully.'  This was my answer and then I moved on.  However, I noticed myself thinking on this more and more and finding myself getting grouchier and crabbier with each thought about it that made it's way to the surface of my mind, I couldn't quite figure out why this was beginning to stir in me and affect me as much as it was.  I was driving and mulling through my thoughts and sharing them with God asking Him about it and the Spirit so gently reminded me.  He reminded me that He has called me to be missional and if I were to get too comfortable within a group of friends, my zeal to invest in nonbelievers or young/new Christians would be numbed.  He doesn't ever let me get too comfortable for the sole purpose of becoming too comfortable.  He wants me to be not only ready and willing when He calls and prompts me but eager; and in the comfort of belonging, I wouldn't be.  He also reminds me that this is not my home; that I will never quite fit in or feel completely at home with a group of people because He has given me that restlessness to keep me focused on my heavenly home, which helps me number my days, which keeps me focused on being missional.  He reminds me that there will be a time and a place for feeling like I completely belong and am completely understood but that is not in this world/life.  And in the gap of this world and my heavenly home, He calls me to cling to Him, the only One who truly knows me, and He promises that He will fill all my needs and all the voids if I have the courage and take the time to let Him.